Vaginal dryness is incredibly common, yet many women never mention it to anyone. In a large U.S. survey of more than 3,000 postmenopausal women, most weren’t familiar with the condition, few connected their symptoms to menopause, and many avoided discussing it with a clinician because they felt embarrassed [1]. This guide gives you the words to start both conversations: with your clinician and with your partner.
Key takeaways
- You’re not alone. Embarrassment is one of the biggest reasons women go untreated.
- Arriving with notes on your symptoms, timing and questions makes a short appointment far more productive.
- With a partner, choose a calm moment, use “I” statements and frame it as a shared problem with real solutions.
By the numbers
- In the REVIVE survey (Kingsberg et al., Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2013, 3,046 U.S. postmenopausal women), only 56% of women with vaginal symptoms had ever discussed them with a healthcare provider.
- Just 24% connected their symptoms to menopause, and only 11% were using a prescription vaginal therapy.
Why it’s worth bringing up
Vaginal dryness and related urinary symptoms usually don’t improve on their own after menopause, and effective, guideline-backed treatments exist [2][3]. Dryness can also mimic other problems, like infections or skin conditions, that need specific treatment. See vaginal itching, burning and dryness.
Before your appointment
Jot down a few notes, or screenshot this list:
- What you notice: dryness, itching, burning, pain with sex, spotting, urinary urgency or UTIs
- When it started and whether it’s getting worse
- Life stage: perimenopause, menopause, postpartum or breastfeeding, after surgery or cancer treatment
- Medicines you take, including birth control, antidepressants and allergy medicines (see medications that cause vaginal dryness)
- What you’ve tried and how it worked
- What matters most to you, for example comfortable sex, daily comfort, or avoiding hormones
What to say
You don’t need perfect words. Try one of these:
- “I’ve been having vaginal dryness and it’s making sex painful. What could be causing it?”
- “I’d like to talk about vaginal and urinary changes since menopause.”
- “I’ve tried lubricants and they’re not enough. What else can I try?”
Questions to ask your clinician
- What do you think is causing my symptoms? Could it be an infection or a skin condition?
- What non-hormonal options do you recommend?
- Am I a candidate for low-dose vaginal estrogen, vaginal DHEA or ospemifene?
- How long until I should notice a difference?
- Would pelvic floor physical therapy help me?
- What should make me come back sooner?
Read up beforehand with treatment options compared and vaginal estrogen vs. hormone-free options.
Talking with your partner
- Choose the moment. Talk outside the bedroom, when you’re both relaxed.
- Use “I” statements. “I’ve been feeling sore and dry, and it’s not about you” helps prevent hurt feelings.
- Explain it’s physical. Hormone changes, medicines and life stages affect natural lubrication.
- Share the plan. More time for foreplay, a good lubricant, and maybe seeing a clinician.
- Keep intimacy broad. Closeness doesn’t have to mean intercourse while you find what works.
More tips in sex after menopause: a comfort guide.
Looking for hormone-free comfort?
AIRS Advanced Intimate Renewal Serum is a hormone-free cosmetic serum that helps moisturize, soothe and comfort delicate intimate skin. It comes in single-use applicators, twelve to a box.
Frequently asked questions
What kind of doctor treats vaginal dryness?
A gynecologist, primary care clinician, nurse practitioner or a menopause specialist can all help. For pain with sex, a pelvic floor physical therapist can be a valuable addition.
Will my doctor think it’s embarrassing?
No. Vaginal dryness is one of the most common concerns clinicians hear about, especially around menopause. Bringing it up helps them help you.
What if my doctor dismisses my symptoms?
It’s reasonable to ask for a referral to a gynecologist or menopause specialist. You can also ask directly: “What are my treatment options, including non-hormonal and prescription?”
How do I bring it up with my partner without making it awkward?
Pick a relaxed moment outside the bedroom, use “I” statements, and frame it as something you’re solving together. Many partners are relieved to understand what’s been going on.
Related reading
- Find a doctor, specialist or support
- Vaginal dryness: causes, symptoms and when to get help
- Vaginal dryness treatment options compared
- Sex after menopause: a comfort guide
- Painful sex after menopause
- What is vaginal atrophy?
Sources
- Kingsberg SA, et al. Vulvar and vaginal atrophy in postmenopausal women: findings from the REVIVE survey. J Sex Med. 2013;10(7):1790–1799.
- The North American Menopause Society. The 2020 genitourinary syndrome of menopause position statement. Menopause. 2020;27(9):976–992.
- Kaufman MR, et al. Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause: AUA/SUFU/AUGS Guideline. J Urol. 2025.
